The Anime Reality

There is no end to the madness that is KingdomHeartsFrantic.

Something a lot of people who watch a shitload of anime seem to have in common is that- -and I believe this to be a damn universal constant- -deep down inside, they want to be Goku. This isn’t altogether unsurprising, because a lot of people who watch a ton of anime would probably want to be both athletic and well-liked by everyone around them and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that.

But rather than take that impulse and hit the gym, all these budding aryan badasses grab a Bawls and start upending bucketfuls of particle effects onto grainy webcam feeds of themselves standing around with clenched fists and, sometimes, all-knowing smirks as the unbridled power of After Effects CS3 runs through their veins.

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Since all delusional anime fans believe they are special unique snowflakes filled with boundless talent, most of them do things like draw shitty pictures or write shitty stories. Emerald Templar is no exception. Let’s take a look at a small part of his long running self-insert fantasy series. Please keep in mind that he is 21 years old and this was written very recently. Be sure to tell him how much you love his writing!

The incantation had not even finished before the familiars attacked, their little forms suddenly leaping up at him. They were not matter. The demons realized far too late that they were doomed. The last thing they saw was the fierce, intense flash of emerald light from his eyes. And then the spiritual pressure struck, dense, like thousands of invisible blades springing up around him, slashing them apart. The stone’s surface broke and cracked under his feet in a circle around him, dust kicked up from the sudden release. The familiars were simply crushed, and were no more.

The ball of fire came only a second later, but simply dissipated as it collided with his own shield. The sorceror stared wide-eyed at him, his staff coming to level with him as he spoke.

“Sword aura….and a negation seal? Who are you?”

Again, he felt his eyes drawn up to the dragon, the woman in the cage, floating just above their heads. Those purple eyes never left his, locked on to his, and peered down into his very being. And he knew that his were doing just the same to her. And that both of them felt their hearts stir at the very sight of one another. He smiled, causing Airenendel to gasp.

“I am Raosoal!” he bellowed, six wings suddenly springing from his back, feathers and light now all around him, “Seraph King of Heaven, and Dragon Master! And now, you will pay for every last drop of dragonic blood you have spilled!”

Nothing can protect us now… how can we stand against a man that can block bullets with his sword!? Please feel free to contact Emerald Templar and convince him to be our friend again!

Not to disappoint you, but I have better things to do, and much more important concerns at hand, than to play with you. So I’ll be quite plain.

*ahem* If you would have so kindly read the profile you took from my myspace, you would already know that I would not answer that question, nor would I respect you enough to do so. Thusly, you have no answer to it, as I don’t hold you in confidence nor in ability of mental acceptance of such a topic.

In general, human beings can be a very stupid race. You seem to be a perfect example of that.

Also, because I do not know you, nor have you even mentioned your name in passing, I find it hard to believe that you of any importance. You are a nobody, a useless no-name whose opinions, words, and actions amount to nothing. You are nameless, and therefore worthless. If you had read my profile, again, you would have picked up on this. I have dealt with many a fool such as yourself; dealing with one more is a trifle. It was fun while it lasted, I grow bored with you. Farewell, and try not strain your pretty head too much in the future.

Raosoal

His power knows no bounds...

Your mission is to infiltrate a gathering of people wanting to ban hentai and assassinate them all. There are no innocents here. They all deserve to die in pools of their own blood. I trust you can get the job done. God save the Loli.

God. Fucking. Damn.

Here at The Anime Reality, we’ve come across a lot of pretty awful anime fans. Some are horrible, most are laughable, but for the most part they’re pretty uniform across most anime forums. I thought it would be hard to find more good material until this guy:

Meet John

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The Anime Reality has existed for only a short time, yet I feel it has developed a legacy to be proud of; one that I am honored to be a part of. A legacy, if you will, of tears, sweat and various other bodily fluids staining the keyboards of outraged pedophiles and miscreants the world over.

It is with a heavy heart that I mantle this burden of writer for The Anime Reality, but I do believe I have found the perfect person to set sail with on my maiden voyage to Planet Anime. Let me introduce Nick4x, tonight’s special guest star. Give him a hand, y’all.

Let me be the first to tell you that Nick4x isn’t just like your everyday fatass Annie May snacking on tubs of PB&J and watching Akira. Nick4x has a calling. Nick4x is an artisté. He describes himself as 23 years old, and says that his interests are “games and anime,” and that these two qualities tell you exactly everything you’d want to know about him (something I am forced to agree with). He also adds that “he tends to personify himself as a female when using anime clips a lot, but that’s okay because he’s okay in his masculinity.” Hmm, yes.

I could tell you so much more about him, such as his many informative anime reviews delivered in a completely deadpan autist baritone, his anime voicework auditions over YouTube, or his beautiful eyes, but art should be experienced, not read about. Any words I have fail to describe the sublime beauty of this anime poet in action.

Did I mention he dubs all the characters in his favorite anime with his own voice? He dubs all the characters in his favorite anime with his own voice:

But don’t think he’s one-sided! He not only creates animes of beauty, he reviews them, too!

His profile can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/user/Nick4x

Be sure to subscribe and email him about your interest in being made immortal through his anime voice actor auditions!

I hope you enjoyed this tour of another exhilarating facet of this anime reality we live in and the people who make it so great. I would like to take a minute to point out that any hot anime chicks are free to send me mail or pictures (do not send nudes if you are fat). I am a 20-something  young male with two tickets to SakuraCon, my own room (complete /w anime wallscrolls) at my parents’ house, and I brush my teeth. My favorite anime is Pokemon and my favorite song is “Here without you” by 3 Doors Down. I’ll be looking forward to hearing from y’all anime cuties and hentai vixens out there!