You know, there’s an amazing amount of people out there that will read our site and come away thinking we’re an anime fan blog. I have no idea how you can get that impression if you read anything beyond the title. Do they think we’re showcasing our own stuff on this website? Do they think we own several mansions worth of anime decorated rooms? Do they think we’re also so far down the autistic spectrum that we’re infrared masses of manga, grease, and broken dreams? Somehow, people do. People like Apptendo.
This is like one of those fake OKCupid profiles featuring some fat sweaty nerd wearing a fedora talking about how he loves guns and ten year olds. Still, I had to find out if he was legit or not and ended up taking a look at his Facebook and Reddit accounts.
Somehow, the nearly vestigial sense of self-awareness Apptendo has held onto kept him from uploading his own picture to the internet. From taking a look at his interests and posts though, I think I can take a guess at what he’s like. Apptendo is the guy in your English class with long hair that looks like shit because he never takes care of it. He’s the guy that’s constantly raising his hand to ask questions, but only ends up rambling on whatever stupid shit he thinks is important. He’s incredibly skinny, which he confuses for being fit because his definition of being in shape is just “not fat.” He only wears video game t-shirts, anime t-shirts, and shirts with the names of obscure martial art styles on them. He thinks any girl that’s talking to him is hitting on him. His favorite anime is all of them. He probably had one or two good friends in high school, but stopped contacting them because it was cutting into his anime time. He reads TVTropes. He is TVTropes. He is you when you were nine years old and wanted to be a Power Ranger so fucking bad, but instead of being a Power Ranger, it’s having sex with big titted preteens.
Why are women so put off by the fact that I go out of my way to treat women like anime babies and pretend to be a knight? Haven’t they seen episode 28 of Sugoi Love Love Harem Atheist Ninja? That guy gets all the chicks on the show, so why isn’t it working when I do it in real life? This is why chivalry is dying, it’s all women’s fault! They deserve to date those big jerks if their retarded toddler minds can’t understand that I’m the only male on the planet that respects women for who they are. That bitch didn’t even offer to sleep with me and I HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR HER!
Current Mood: Naruto
Listening to: How Could This Happen to Me – Simple Plan
MageKnight404 has taken a proactive approach towards his unrequited video game crush by creating a romhack to insert himself into the game. Watch as he finally confesses his love and realizes he should probably get a dog or something. The love confession starts at 5:50.
Have you ever found yourself doing push-up after push-up and thinking, Man, this would be so much better if I had this awkward looking anime girl under me? The answer is no, because people that think like that will not be exercising outside of swinging their swords.com katanas around in their backyards. That’s why the people at Creative Freaks decided to jump on this untapped market and release the first smart phone dating sim/exercise game, Burn Your Fat With Me!
Burn your fat with me!! uses the Japanese visual novel platform to provide players with the motivation to work out through “moe”, a Japanese term describing that special, heart-melting feeling you get when you see an adorable female character. We call it moevation.
That’s right! If you can’t get
motivated moevated to do things like not be fat and not eat all of the Doritos, then here is your solution towards a fit body. This app is fully featured with two, that’s right, TWO whole exercises that aren’t really effective for fat burning to do. You can do sit ups towards an anime girl, or you can do push-ups on top of an anime girl. Perfect for using it at the gym, in front of your parents, or right in the office!
The app revolves around you performing the exercise to your anime desire’s count, tapping the screen on each repetition. You can also turn on True Otaku Mode and just tap the screen without doing any of the exercises, which is pretty much how anyone that buys this thing will play it. The more consistent you are with your exercises, the more moevation points you earn. These points allow you to progress the dating sim story, allowing you to pursue your dream of an (anime) girl calling you, “Not fat.” This game is currently out now on the iOS and Android app stores.
Let’s Have Some Hot Cuddly Fun – m4w – 30 (Anime)
I am looking to have a lot of fun with a cute women who is interested in having hella cuddles and going on from there to even more satisfying fun. I am a white male who is 5’3 420lbs and d/d free and i know how to work it. I have my own apt and car so i can make it to you if you can’t make it to me. I am just looking to meet up with someone down to earth who enjoys just having a good time with a good guy who likes to laugh. I enjoy kissing, anime, rubbing, licking, and definitely goku among other things. So if you want to hang out with a good looking fun guy let me know and we can get together.
There’s a new anime music crew in town!
In the world of terrible anime fans, there are certain topics you know will almost always bring out gold. I’m talking about topics like: guns are dishonorable, swords are the ultimate weapon, various claims of made up abilities and skills, and, of course, girls only date jerks. One of these threads on animenewsnetwork led us to the discovery of Richard J. Richard is a simple man, who goes to college and desires nothing more than a girl that will love him unconditionally so he won’t have to bathe or learn social skills. When someone suggested most “nice guys” are really just passive-aggressive misogynists with social issues, Richard lept (waddled) into action!
Why should he have to do things like talk to girls and talk about things other than anime? He held a door open for a girl once! I’m pretty sure that means he deserves at least two units of sex in compensation. Let’s take a look at his varied interests!
Oh no! He didn’t mention his highly successful blog about loving English dubbed anime! Only he has provided a safe haven for anime fans that do not enjoy listening to the superior Japanese language. Anime is a lot better when you don’t have a language barrier preventing you from hearing out the cheesy and melodramatic dialogue. His blog tends to fulfill its purpose fairly well, discussing upcoming anime shows that are going to be English dubbed and released, nothing too offensive. Oh, he also posts tons of anime pictures with captions to make it look like the characters are talking to him.
Hopefully, one day Richard J will meet his non-jerk loving girlfriend and live happily ever after.
The Detroit Free Press reports that Thaddeus McMichael, 21, of Southfield, Michigan was arrested Wednesday after an FBI investigation that was sparked by comments Thad made on Facebook. Comments like, “all cp isn’t rape, Sometimes the kids want it. Most of the time they NEED it,” and “What if I adopt a little girl? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind becoming my sex slave if I take her away from the orphanage.” McMichael reportedly said that these posts were a joke. Ha ha ha, you crack me up, Thad! And COME ON, joking isn’t against the law, right?
According to the FBI affidavit, good ol’ Thad was also “actively discussing child pornography and methods for downloading pornography from the Internet,” including comments on the topic of how to obtain child porn and how to encrypt the images. But still, just talking about how to download and hide your child porn isn’t the same thing as actually possessing it, right??
Too bad the FBI took a peek in Thad’s “electronic media sources,” which I suppose is fancy FBI language for “computer,” and uncovered the smoking gun. Or rather, between 300 to 350 smoking guns, as in that many images and videos of ACTUAL FUCKING CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. Thad sure isn’t doing the already sometimes dubious anime fandom any favors.
The Detroit Free Press reports that Thad appeared in federal court on Wednesday, the day of his arrest. As of Friday, March 2 (that’s today), Sir Thaddeus McPedophile is now free on bond, under the condition that he wear a tether and not use the Internet, which means he can’t read this post. Good thing, too, because I’d be terrified of him coming to rape my children. Actually, I still am.
Parents of Southfield and Detroit, I implore of you: Hug your kids and lock your doors. Scumbags like Thad are a harrowing reminder that such human grotesqueries can lurk in our very own neighborhoods, like an alligator poking its eyes through the surface of the muddy Florida swamps. An alligator that wants to fuck your kids, that is.
Special thanks to Greg K. for tipping us off. We’ll leave you with this image: