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Tag: Gin Tama

Dick Masterson (lol) over at Menarebetterthanwomen.com has a hilarious website and was on some show flaming women. While obviously not for real (or is it?), his Maddox-style humour was really awesome. The best part about his site is, unlike Maddox who doesn’t allow comments, he has what is a global World War 3 all over the various posts, between Man and Woman.

Generally, the women would go like “Dick, you have a small penis and you probably have no women anyway.” Which got me thinking, “Is that so? Would a reasonably to good looking man with his level of humour and wit, which can be taken as a sign of intelligence, be more likely to score a bunch of girls than  otaku/nerds/jobless/boring/metrosexual men?”

One of my real life friends, who isn’t an anime fan but enjoys Gintama (strangely, I wasn’t the one who introduced it to him despite my 24/7 promotion of it), shares Dick’s style of humour albeit to a far far less aggressive extent. He’ll casually, with a straight face, say stuff like “Women are like clothes, men are like limbs. We can change clothes.” or “Women are too dumb to get my jokes.” I find it quite funny, though most of my classmates (hurray for 80 percent female class?) have been offended at one point or other. They think he’s mean, a chauvinist and arrogant.

What I want to do here is to relate the perceived attractive points of anime male characters to that of real life men, and then compare that to the qualities us otaku possess.

Beautiful Faces that would Make Regular Girls Look like Freddy Krueger
In anime, men who are desirable all look extremely pretty, more so than girls. See Ouran High School Host Club’s guys, for instance. You would think looks play a huge role in whether a guy is desirable, based on the preferences of female fans. Thankfully, said female fans are generally Fat Yaoi Fangirls (ahhh, missed this catch phrase haven’t we?) and not desirable to all males. Their numbers are tiny and do not represent a significant portion of the female population. And since no one wants them anyway, we can classify FYGs as non-entities, whose only use in life is to pour money into good studios like BONES via Ouran merchandise, so as to fund great shows such as Darker than Black.

FYGs are the main reason why pretty boys are prevalent in anime. In a relationship, there can never be two beautiful people, it works via a Yin and Yang, dark and light. Beautiful people are egotistical and self-centred, so when two beautiful people get together, like like magnetic poles, they repel. We all know FYGs are ugly. And NOT coincidentally, anime is not mainstream, so most of the real female population (viable female population) are not into feminine beautiful faces.

In fact, according to a survey I did recently, 100 percent of all 412 respondents described their boyfriends as “cute” rather than “handsome”. And about 60 percent of those stated that they would not date “handsome” guys as it would put too much pressure on them, constantly having to guard their man from aggressive females. So what is the significance of this? Looks are way down the scale of importance and other factors such as personality, humour, money, skills are more important. Except for FYGs of course.

Otakus are cute. As an interviewee points out, as long as the said otaku is of a acceptable sanitary standard and below the critical nerdy appearance threshold, his appearance can be classified as the “cute”. But don’t get your hopes too high, otaku brethren, for the critical nerdy appearance threshold is surpassed by many of you.

Tall, Slender Bodies with Broad Shoulders
As mentioned, Yin and Yang are ever present in a relationship. FYGs are fat so they like thin guys. FYGs are extremely repulsed by fat guys, for some inexplicable reason. Talk about POT KETTLE BLACK! Check out the majority of shoujo male romantic interests, they are stick thin. Check out the popular male characters who get lots of female fan love, Tamaki, Kira Yamato, Allen Walker etc. But muscular men like Major Armstrong, Superman and Batou are despised.

Again, this is the complete opposite in the real world. Thin is good for girls, bad for guys. Muscles are good unless you’re some pumped up steroid buffet freako. But fret not if you don’t have the coveted sixpack and rockhard pectorals, because just like how men are fine with small breasts, women think muscles are mere accessories. Sure, they stare at the nice bodies but if their boyfriends were built like sports stars, they would feel way too insecure about the flab they pack on their bellies.

But wait, the real issue is fats! Since we’re dealing with otaku here, we can already assume muscle is nonexistent except in right (and in some rarer cases, left) forearms, where muscle strength is comparable to Olympic weightlifters. Will girls like fat otaku? Be relieved, for the answer is YES. Girls will like fat otaku as long as you don’t wear loose, stretched out, discoloured, anime character T-shirts that show off your man-boobs!! Most of the time, they don’t really notice the fats and instead, feel a nice cushioning which makes they think you are lovely to hug. Just don’t take off your shirt k?

There was this woman in Beijing who made her boyfriend undergo breast reduction surgery as his moobs made her feel insecure about her boobs.

Understanding, Caring and Action-oriented Guys
This is a slight deviation as now we’re talking about what anime girls like, rather than what FYGs like. FYGs DO NOT like UCA guys, they like Princely types who abuse them with whips, because of the Yin Yang theory. But anime girls like UCA guys, such as Tomoya from Clannad. Guys who’ll go out of their way to do stuff for their girls, such as organising a theatre club for them and making them feel loved.

A significant portion of real life girls like such guys. This is a good thing because most nice guys are like that. Unfortunately, one must learn the correct timing of being nice. I’ll relate a story. One of my female friends has a guy friend, who constantly showers her with nice gifts, like hand-made cupcakes topped with intricate icing patterns, home-made pineapple tarts which took like 20 hours of work, etc etc. When she was ill and had to be hospitalised, he visited her and stayed for long hours. But she was not impressed at all, instead, felt creeped out. Why? Because he is not Brad Pitt.

Anyway, otakus are HUGE experts at being nice. This is because of their LONG HOURS of TRAINING, performing seemingly impossible tasks in VIRTUAL SIMULATORS. I have heard of these wonderous simulators, one of them is apparently named “Night Shift Nurses”.

Part II to continue….

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