The Anime Reality

What’s the anime to USD conversion rate?

http://www.japanator.com/man-arrested-for-using-his-idolmaster-credit-card-30660.phtml

Enjoy this link from The Verge: A visual history of Microsoft’s anime fetish.

Now we know why Microsoft makes such shitty products: because they’re a bunch of anime-loving nerd losers.

(Yes, we know you’ve been sending us a lot of submissions. We’ll get to them soon. Sorry.)

We have entered some dark days here. Now that Chou Anime has closed its doors, how am I going to get my anime maid experience in a dangerous and dilapidated area? How can I continue to feel just like Naruto when I can’t wear my finest anime garments and protect my MLP plush as we enter the elegant halls of cosplay and chai tea? Well, until my loan agreement clears for my Yaoi Butler Cafe in East Oakland, we’ll have to make due with the Anime Weekend Atlanta Imperial Maid Cafe. Let’s take a look at the glorious maids and butlers that will help you relax your morbidly obese feet.

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Did you purchase Neurowear’s previous brain-wave controlled accessory and fail to completely alienate your friends and family? Well, Neurowear has got you covered with their new product: Shippo!

Now, everyone can visually identify you as a person to actively ignore and avoid when your butt starts wagging in the manga section at Barnes & Noble. The shippo item is still in the prototype stage, but be sure to keep an eye on it and get your pre-orders in (XXL and XXL only).

Happy Mother’s Day to all our readers. And what better way to celebrate all the mothers of the world than with a list of the seven hottest moms from ANIME. Slightly NSFW for anime cleavage.

You know, there’s an amazing amount of people out there that will read our site and come away thinking we’re an anime fan blog. I have no idea how you can get that impression if you read anything beyond the title. Do they think we’re showcasing our own stuff on this website? Do they think we own several mansions worth of anime decorated rooms? Do they think we’re also so far down the autistic spectrum that we’re infrared masses of manga, grease, and broken dreams? Somehow, people do. People like Apptendo.

The beginning

Apptendo just seemed a little bit too good to be true. Why would someone like this contact a site that makes fun of people just like them? Just look at his self intro on his twitter and his tumblr:

That about sums it up

Hello, world.

This is like one of those fake OKCupid profiles featuring some fat sweaty nerd wearing a fedora talking about how he loves guns and ten year olds. Still, I had to find out if he was legit or not and ended up taking a look at his Facebook and Reddit accounts.

A man of varied interests

Repressed memories

Hentai High

Thanks for sharing

Somehow, the nearly vestigial sense of self-awareness Apptendo has held onto kept him from uploading his own picture to the internet. From taking a look at his interests and posts though, I think I can take a guess at what he’s like. Apptendo is the guy in your English class with long hair that looks like shit because he never takes care of it. He’s the guy that’s constantly raising his hand to ask questions, but only ends up rambling on whatever stupid shit he thinks is important. He’s incredibly skinny, which he confuses for being fit because his definition of being in shape is just “not fat.” He only wears video game t-shirts, anime t-shirts, and shirts with the names of obscure martial art styles on them. He thinks any girl that’s talking to him is hitting on him. His favorite anime is all of them. He probably had one or two good friends in high school, but stopped contacting them because it was cutting into his anime time. He reads TVTropes. He is TVTropes. He is you when you were nine years old and wanted to be a Power Ranger so fucking bad, but instead of being a Power Ranger, it’s having sex with big titted preteens.

The Final Fantasy series has lost a lot of its brand integrity over the last few years, hasn’t it? Maybe most of us just grew out of the target demographic and don’t find Philosophy 101 styled anime soap operas all that appealing anymore. Square Enix has nothing to worry about though, since there will always be an audience out there just frothing at the mouth for the next installment so they can start writing their fanfictions starring their Original Characters (do not steal). Smug anime nerds and Final Fantasy fans go hand-in-hand, so let’s take a look at the Final Fantasy Forums and see what they’re up to.

I can already see where this is going.

Catholics love it.

I don’t see why so many people complain about  Uguu Toddler Kiss.

Third World Countries: Pedo Paradise

Anime scents? Stale tears and Mountain Dew, I guess.

Drag this person out into sunlight, please.

Why are women so put off by the fact that I go out of my way to treat women like anime babies and pretend to be a knight? Haven’t they seen episode 28 of Sugoi Love Love Harem Atheist Ninja? That guy gets all the chicks on the show, so why isn’t it working when I do it in real life? This is why chivalry is dying, it’s all women’s fault! They deserve to date those big jerks if their retarded toddler minds can’t understand that I’m the only male on the planet that respects women for who they are. That bitch didn’t even offer to sleep with me and I HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR HER!

Current Mood: Naruto

Listening to: How Could This Happen to Me – Simple Plan

I also make a scene over my acts of general politeness.

“Yeah, I’m not like most girls.” – Every girl in high school ever

Did they stop teaching the difference between, “your,” and, “you’re?”

I want to visit the alternate dimension these people live in where opening doors for others is super rare and a big deal.

Everyone loves the start of a new year. It’s a chance to reassess your priorities and work on improving yourself physically and mentally. You can also just be a fat greasy animal and squeeze yourself into the local anime convention like an all-consuming cancer. Let’s take a look at what some of the upcoming cons are offering:

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http://blip.tv/paradiseandfaries/fanservice-fiesta-is-under-attack-by-trolls-and-covention-announcements-6455399

SON ROSS, are you there? It’s me, the DAD ROSS. You don’t have to worry anymore, son, I took care of it. I kicked the door in to that weak baby’s house with my steel-toed boots and tactical NVGs equipped. He started going off in his dumb jock voice, saying shit like “Get out” and “Who are you?” I gave him the ol’ ROSS family zing and said, “Me? I’m a rock. And a rolling stone gathers no ROSS.” Then I let him have it with my Remington 870, double tap right to his anime-hating core.

I hope you can read this, SON ROSS. He had one of those message things that go out when you type them like on America Online. I had to delete some of his junk though, some more crap about the ROSS. Something about a show called Cat Planet Cuties and you spending  25% of a review on a musical sequence that plays out entirely in Japanese with no subtitles, removing any possible emotional context you were trying to get across. Is that a thing you watch? The cute cat planners? How do I send this message? Is it this publish button?

Love,

DAD ROSS

Semper fi

These things we do so that others may live