You know, there’s an amazing amount of people out there that will read our site and come away thinking we’re an anime fan blog. I have no idea how you can get that impression if you read anything beyond the title. Do they think we’re showcasing our own stuff on this website? Do they think we own several mansions worth of anime decorated rooms? Do they think we’re also so far down the autistic spectrum that we’re infrared masses of manga, grease, and broken dreams? Somehow, people do. People like Apptendo.
Apptendo just seemed a little bit too good to be true. Why would someone like this contact a site that makes fun of people just like them? Just look at his self intro on his twitter and his tumblr:
This is like one of those fake OKCupid profiles featuring some fat sweaty nerd wearing a fedora talking about how he loves guns and ten year olds. Still, I had to find out if he was legit or not and ended up taking a look at his Facebook and Reddit accounts.
Somehow, the nearly vestigial sense of self-awareness Apptendo has held onto kept him from uploading his own picture to the internet. From taking a look at his interests and posts though, I think I can take a guess at what he’s like. Apptendo is the guy in your English class with long hair that looks like shit because he never takes care of it. He’s the guy that’s constantly raising his hand to ask questions, but only ends up rambling on whatever stupid shit he thinks is important. He’s incredibly skinny, which he confuses for being fit because his definition of being in shape is just “not fat.” He only wears video game t-shirts, anime t-shirts, and shirts with the names of obscure martial art styles on them. He thinks any girl that’s talking to him is hitting on him. His favorite anime is all of them. He probably had one or two good friends in high school, but stopped contacting them because it was cutting into his anime time. He reads TVTropes. He is TVTropes. He is you when you were nine years old and wanted to be a Power Ranger so fucking bad, but instead of being a Power Ranger, it’s having sex with big titted preteens.
April 28th, 2013 on 9:35 pm
Oh but he did upload a picture of himself.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/AXfyYiiCMAAnfLa.jpg
April 28th, 2013 on 9:36 pm
I’m a friend of Apptendo. I can confirm he is legit. You’re not bringing up anything we haven’t all been saying to him for years. He says he got caught masturbating in class once… or was it twice? Either way you think you’d learn something after that. But apparently not.
April 28th, 2013 on 10:08 pm
Hey, come on, he’s a good guy!
April 29th, 2013 on 6:18 pm
Yes he is, because being honest and proud of being a demented pervert means you’re a good guy, amirite???
April 30th, 2013 on 12:16 am
oh god i’ve been waiting for this.
he feels the need to proclaim he is a libertarian atheist first and foremost as well? holy shit this guy.